


Easy

by wowbright



Series: Glee Season 5 episode reactions [10]
Category: Glee
Genre: Episode: s05e13 New Directions, Fluff, M/M, klaine fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-01
Updated: 2014-04-01
Packaged: 2018-01-18 17:16:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1436398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wowbright/pseuds/wowbright
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I was going to write some thinky thoughts-and-feels about Kurt and Blaine’s body language in the last episode. But then I thought, “Nah, you should write fic about that.” So I did this freewrite, and now I think maybe I should have just written the metabation. Because wow this ficlet is a whole lot of tell-don’t-show. Posted anyway since the next episode was about to air.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Easy

**Author's Note:**

> I was going to write some thinky thoughts-and-feels about Kurt and Blaine’s body language in the last episode. But then I thought, “Nah, you should write fic about that.” So I did this freewrite, and now I think maybe I should have just written the metabation. Because wow this ficlet is a whole lot of tell-don’t-show. Posted anyway since the next episode was about to air.

It was good to be back together with Blaine — to spend lazy Sunday mornings planning their sometime-far-in-the-future-wedding over Skype, and to have Blaine to lean on when he missed Finn too much (which was most of the time), and to flirt and recount the minutiae of their days to each other.

Those things were good — no, _wonderful_. But they weren’t perfect.

Kurt missed the easiness they used to have. Before the breakup, it had always been so hard for Kurt not to be himself around Blaine, to show this one person aspects of himself he never dare let other people see. And Blaine had been the same way, too — although he’d always been a little better at hiding the things he really wanted to hide, the things that Blaine was also hiding from himself.

It had taken Kurt much too long to figure this out — he didn’t fully understand the danger of it until that night in fall as they were walking back from Callbacks. He understood something fundamental about Blaine then, something about how deeply and destructively Blaine’s fears ran.

Blaine was getting better at not hiding now, but Kurt — his heart practically exploded with love for this boy and yet … it was so much harder to let it rise to the surface than before. Kurt found himself holding back when he least wanted to. He hesitated to reach for Blaine’s hand sometimes, even when they were somewhere safe. He was afraid of loving Blaine as much as he had before.

It wasn’t that Kurt thought that Blaine would cheat again. He didn’t. They had talked about it enough times that he understood what had been going through Blaine’s head at the time, and to be confident that Blaine wouldn’t act out the same way again.

But losing Blaine as suddenly as he had last fall, and losing his brother on top of that — life is unpredictable, and frightening, and doesn’t care about the affections you’ve built. It is a constant exercise in losing what you love.

Kurt was afraid of losing Blaine again — not to infidelity, but to the vagaries of fate: a car speeding through a red light, a mutating cell setting off a chain of destructive events in Blaine’s body, the fists of an ignoramus, a stray bullet flying through the air.

So sometimes, when he had the instinct to hold Blaine tight and feel easy with him again — and he very often could  because he was in Lima so much these days — he did the opposite. He kept his hands folded in his lap and looked away, and waited for the fear to subside.

And then, suddenly, it did. In the middle of the commencement ceremony, as the graduates began their procession into the auditorium and Kurt caught sight of Blaine in that ridiculous mortarboard and polyester gown, and he saw the look of unremitting hope on Blaine’s face — Kurt felt it, too. He felt it the way he’d felt it in the first moments he’d met Blaine, and in each building block of friendship that followed.

And when Blaine’s name was called and Kurt flung his arms around his fiance, it was easy and light and comfortable in a way that Kurt hadn’t felt in at least a year. Or maybe that he hadn’t ever at all.

There you are. I’ve been looking for you forever.

The words went through Kurt’s head as he watched Blaine walk up to the stage. They were about Blaine, but they were about the feeling in his heart, too.

 


End file.
